Wednesday, June 18, 2008


As a child, your world may have broken apart but as an adult you have the opportunity to put some of it back together.
  • Choose to move forward- you cannot change the past.
  • Establish a new relationship with your parents based on understanding and forgiveness
  • Ask questions and clear up misunderstandings
  • Realize your parents were doing the best they could at the time.
  • Connect with each parent as an individual.
  • If you are the middle of their gunk -GET OUT.
  • If one parent wants you to choose sides -resist.
  • Set boundaries with the idea they are BOTH a part of who you are.
  • Be prepared to "divorce" a parent if they continue to be abusive or harmful.
  • Have your say in family get-togethers.
  • Your wedding- define your expectations- if they can't be met - consider eloping or 2 ceremonies.
  • Holidays-be realistic with your time and enjoyment-don't try to be everywhere at once-be open to alternating holidays with parents or celebrating on another day.
  • Identify the unhealthy patterns in your parent's relationship-strive not to repeat them.
  • Embrace the strength you have developed in response to your family's divorce.
  • Recognize the dimensions and lessons that may have been added with step families.
  • Create your own security.
  • Create networks of friends and co workers.
  • Seek out communities based on your beliefs, hobbies or interests.
  • Look for support groups that may address issues that are difficult for you.
  • Practice Self Care

compiled from THE LOVE THEY LOST by Stephanie Staal (Dell Publishing,2001)