As a child, your world may have broken apart but as an adult you have the opportunity to put some of it back together.
- Choose to move forward- you cannot change the past.
- Establish a new relationship with your parents based on understanding and forgiveness
- Ask questions and clear up misunderstandings
- Realize your parents were doing the best they could at the time.
- Connect with each parent as an individual.
- If you are the middle of their gunk -GET OUT.
- If one parent wants you to choose sides -resist.
- Set boundaries with the idea they are BOTH a part of who you are.
- Be prepared to "divorce" a parent if they continue to be abusive or harmful.
- Have your say in family get-togethers.
- Your wedding- define your expectations- if they can't be met - consider eloping or 2 ceremonies.
- Holidays-be realistic with your time and enjoyment-don't try to be everywhere at once-be open to alternating holidays with parents or celebrating on another day.
- Identify the unhealthy patterns in your parent's relationship-strive not to repeat them.
- Embrace the strength you have developed in response to your family's divorce.
- Recognize the dimensions and lessons that may have been added with step families.
- Create your own security.
- Create networks of friends and co workers.
- Seek out communities based on your beliefs, hobbies or interests.
- Look for support groups that may address issues that are difficult for you.
- Practice Self Care
compiled from THE LOVE THEY LOST by Stephanie Staal (Dell Publishing,2001)
